McSweeneys Lists-matthew simmons and dorothy

T H I N G S I W O U L D S A Y
T O D O R O T H Y P A R K E R
I F I W A S H E R B O Y F R I E N D
T H A T W O U L D L E A D
T O A H U G E F I G H T .

BY MATTHEW SIMMONS

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"Did you just order another drink? How many is that?"

"Sure, I like hanging out with your friends. I just sometimes feel like they're making fun of me."

"I don't get it. Was that supposed to be funny?"

"I can't believe you used that word in front of my mother."

"Let's go somewhere else for lunch today. We're in New York. There have to be thousands of restaurants we haven't tried yet."

"Boy, that Benchley's a real stuffed shirt. Don't you think, Dot?"

"Well, I like the play [or book]. I'm entitled to my opinion, aren't I?"

"It just seems like writing for a new magazine with such a small target market is pretty risky."

"Oh, what's wrong, Pooh bear? Who's my little Pooh?"

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